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When Pigs…Swim?

For the fiance’s birthday, I took him to the NJ State Fair Sussex County Farm and Horse Show. Some dumbass started calling it the state fair and now everyone calls it that, but once upon a time in little Lindsay land, it was the Sussex County Farm and Horse Show, where the biggest attractions were pigs and 4H arts and crafts (if you don’t know what 4H is, you probably shouldn’t go there. Hence the Farm and effing Horse Show), and of course my dance team which performed on a stage. Fancy. Anyway, Fiance’s birthday. I first told his youngest sister, J.Lynn, about my idea and she wanted to know why I wasn’t taking him to dinner. First of all, he LIKES fairs and fair food. Secondly, what other reason is there to go to the fair besides food? It’s the best (my only) reason for wanting to go! Third, I can’t really afford fancy dinner. Sorry Fiance. So on his birthday, Fiance met me at work and I left early so we could get there in time. For what you might ask? For Fiance’s favorite part of the fair, something he’s loved and held dear ever since a little boy: Pig races. Last year, we went to the Meadowlands Fair for our anniversary where we ate lots of yummy food (see a pattern here?), played games, took an old time picture, and watched pigs race. While we were anxiously waiting for the pigs to start, Ron told me that they race for Oreos. Um, excuse me? Pigs racing for Oreos? The definitely sounds like someone the fiance would make up and tell my gullible ass so that I went around talking about Pig Oreos. Also, I believe this is something I would already know, especially considering my Sussex county childhood and fair fame. When the stupid pigs finally got around to starting, the announcer stated that they were in fact racing for their favorite food: Oreos! What?! Why is the fiance (almost) always right?! So anyway, one of the main reasons I decided to take my birthday boy to the farm and horse show was for a super special pig race: they would be SWIMMING for Oreos. Robinson’s Paddling Porkers were going to jump into a pool of water, swim across, and then race to the finish line for their pig Oreo. Obviously we had to make sure we were there in attendance and upon entering the fair, immediately (read: after walking in a circle like a bunch of dumb idiots) stood by the racetrack and waited. While standing there for a total of about 15 minutes, we got to see some true Sussex County flavor. I stealtily took some pictures, but then felt as though they knew and I was afraid of a hick revolt against the girl with the bright turquoise bag and her fiance in Ed Hardy. Please behold my case study below:

A very unfortunate unibrow

Nair is a wonderful thing.

Now I’m not yet a parent and I’m sure my opinion could change when I become one, but please. This poor little girl has SUCH a bad unibrow. I don’t know if they’re trying to cover if up with bangs (nice try), but isn’t there SOMETHING one can do for this poor kid before she’s mocked mercilessly in grade school? The little Asian girl playing with her was definitely scared of her at first. Then she accidentally hit Unibrow in the face. I’m not saying Asian Girl intentionally hurt Unibrow, but people do crazy things when they’re scared.

Ninja’d

Felt kinda bad after taking this one…

Then I looked to my left and saw this kid:

 
Got silly bands?
 I know Silly Bands are a big thing for kids, both boys and girls. I understand sometimes it’s easier just to let your kid wear something stupid rather than fight with him/her. I think that rationale ends once the kid puts on silly band number 45 though. First of all these things are basically bracelets. If you’re not using them to rubber band something together and are instead wearing them on your wrist, this constitutes a bracelet. Which boys don’t generally wear. Especially at age 10. Also, my mom wouldn’t have let me wear a hundred rubber bands on my wrist I’m a girl. So who does this kid think he is? I should have asked him for one just to see if he had a fit.
 
Finally I stopped taking pictures of random weird children once the pig races started. There were normal races first…
 
Normal.
 
And then shit got wild…
 
Splash!
 
Gotta get that Oreo...
 
After the race, we decided against the $20.00 racing pigs hat (are these people kidding?) and instead settled on another form of appreciation…
 
Is that Chlorine?

 Just kidding, it’s a turkey leg. Gobble, gobble.

PS – I wasn’t kidding about that Ed Hardy…

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