My little girl is 9 months old today and I have no idea where that time went. It feels like just yesterday that my husband and I were sitting down to a meal of spicy Chinese food and Coca Cola with a dessert of Chips Ahoy (the red bag) and milk, a very specific labor trigger according to the receptionist at my OBGYN. (It didn't work.) Yet now I have a crawling, standing, babbling, super giggly little munchkin head who is quite honestly the light of my life.
If I could slow time down and make every minute last ten, I would. Watching her grow and develop and learn is magical and I find myself wishing I could videotape each second, just in case I missed something, just in case I forget one day what she looks like when she concentrates or how her chin scrunches up when she cries. Forgetting is a big fear of mine (after every scary near death story I read about on social media). I have the worst long term memory. I forget memories, stories, movies, books. My sister will try to remind me of something in the past that I have no recollection of. I'm terrified of this happening to Riley's childhood. Sometimes when I'm playing with her or nursing her or rocking her in her sleep, I try to make mental notes to write down fragments of our day, my feeling,her smell (she has the best smell, even her breath smells sweet and comforting and familiar). I almost never remember to journal my mental notes because who does when there is laundry to do and milk to pump and bottles to wash and you need to be up for work at 4:30am?
In fact, there are a lot of things I don't remember to do anymore, but none of it really matters as long as my baby girl is happy. Things that used to seem very important like waxing my eyebrows, buying new clothes, showering? (Just kidding, I shower most days.) The best moment of my day is seeing her smile when I get home from work, or when I go into her bedroom on my mornings off and get her out of her crib, even at 6am on my only day to sleep in. I miss her when she goes to sleep, even after a long, exhausting day when I'm looking forward to that bedtime and my impending glass of wine or cup of ice cream (or both). On early mornings, I wake her up to nurse before I go into work, for obvious reasons, but also just because I like to spend that 20 minutes with her before I start my day.
I never could have imagined what Riley would be like months into her babyhood, and I feel so privileged to spend each day with her, learning more about her
big huge personality, kissing her soft little baby lips, watching her demonstrate that she's “so big!” I am so excited for the next 9 months of her life, and all the months after that, especially once I figure out how to slow them down a bit.