The next 9 months

My little girl is 9 months old today and I have no idea where that time went. It feels like just yesterday that my husband and I were sitting down to a meal of spicy Chinese food and Coca Cola with a dessert of Chips Ahoy (the red bag) and milk, a very specific labor trigger according to the receptionist at my OBGYN. (It didn't work.) Yet now I have a crawling, standing, babbling, super giggly little munchkin head who is quite honestly the light of my life.

If I could slow time down and make every minute last ten, I would. Watching her grow and develop and learn is magical and I find myself wishing I could videotape each second, just in case I missed something, just in case I forget one day what she looks like when she concentrates or how her chin scrunches up when she cries. Forgetting is a big fear of mine (after every scary near death story I read about on social media). I have the worst long term memory. I forget memories, stories, movies, books. My sister will try to remind me of something in the past that I have no recollection of. I'm terrified of this happening to Riley's childhood. Sometimes when I'm playing with her or nursing her or rocking her in her sleep, I try to make mental notes to write down fragments of our day, my feeling,her smell (she has the best smell, even her breath smells sweet and comforting and familiar). I almost never remember to journal my mental notes because who does when there is laundry to do and milk to pump and bottles to wash and you need to be up for work at 4:30am?

In fact, there are a lot of things I don't remember to do anymore, but none of it really matters as long as my baby girl is happy. Things that used to seem very important like waxing my eyebrows, buying new clothes, showering? (Just kidding, I shower most days.) The best moment of my day is seeing her smile when I get home from work, or when I go into her bedroom on my mornings off and get her out of her crib, even at 6am on my only day to sleep in. I miss her when she goes to sleep, even after a long, exhausting day when I'm looking forward to that bedtime and my impending glass of wine or cup of ice cream (or both). On early mornings, I wake her up to nurse before I go into work, for obvious reasons, but also just because I like to spend that 20 minutes with her before I start my day.

I never could have imagined what Riley would be like months into her babyhood, and I feel so privileged to spend each day with her, learning more about her big huge personality, kissing her soft little baby lips, watching her demonstrate that she's “so big!” I am so excited for the next 9 months of her life, and all the months after that, especially once I figure out how to slow them down a bit.

Slumber Problems

I sleep in a kind size bed. I sleep next to my husband. I also sleep with our two dogs, Bruce & Clark.

Husband, Dogs,

You would think that despite the many occupants in my bed, its size would afford me enough room to sleep comfortably with my blanket and pillow. You would be wrong. Most nights I end up going to bed later than my husband, either because I'm just relaxing or doing stupid chores like folding laundry (like the three loads I folded tonight). He goes to bed early to get a decent night's sleep for the academy so this isn't unusual. I also get up many times throughout the night when the baby cries to either re-insert her pacifier or feed her.

I also sleep with this baby monitor.


When I get into bed, the other three inhabitants are usually already sleeping. Most nights, I need to shift puppies from my side of the bed (or from on top of my pillow, aka a “Bruce hat”) so that I can lay down. Despite these position changes, I usually find myself intertwined around a dog or two and get half-hearted sleep groans when I push them away. As much as I love my pups, they are like little space heaters who cause me to wake up sweating despite sleeping in a t-shirt with the window cracked open. And they are determined little things…they will fight their way under the covers, whether you want them there or not. Good luck if you already made the bed (and would like it to stay that way).

Clark, space heater #1


Sometimes (especially during the middle of the night), I need to wrestle a few inches of blanket away from my roly poly husband who manages to cocoon himself in our (king size!) comforter every night. I should probably just get my own comforter, but I would fear for its safety as well.

Bruce burrowing in next to Ron

I'm just lucky my daughter doesn't sleep with me. The way she rolls and scoots around her crib would have me sleeping with one eye open!

Her preferred method of sleep...butt up, arms in. Weirdo.

Looking angelic in sleep (notice the piles of laundry in the background!)

Riley's first Bruce hat!



For the past two months, I've been experiencing occasional “dizzy spells.” At first it just felt like I lost my footing (normal in my everyday life. Soon, it became brief feelings of the room spinning or like I was going to faint where I needed to grab onto something to get my balance. This was a little scarier considering more often than not when at home I'm carrying Riley around. I went to see my physician and he ran a series of tests to try to determine a cause including blood work, an EKG, a vision test and urine sample. Nothing came up abormal, but he suggested I see a neurologist. I said I would consider it for a number of reasons. Firstly, doctor's appointments take a long time. From waiting who knows how long to be seen to getting through the nurse's eight billion questions until you get to see the doctor and he says a total of two sentences before leaving again, it can be hours. Secondly, when I'm not working, I like to spend my time with my daughter, both because I love her and genuinely want to be with her and also because my in-laws, especially her Peepop, watch her for the 30+ hours when I'm at work and I hate asking them to watch her additional time (although they are always more than happy to).

Finally, I had a bout of dizziness so bad I not only called to make an appointment with the neurologist, I hounded them until I was seen that week. I was at work and we had just finished cleaning the floors and the counter between the two espresso machines where the syrups are kept. I was making the world's most disgusting looking drink (an iced caramel macchiato with raspberry syrup, ew) when the dizziness hit and I dropped the drink, half on the counter and half on the floor. Luckily it was a tall and we only had to clean up 12 oz of mess. This dizzy spell felt like I was on one of the rides at the fair that spin you super fast and pin you against the wall. I had to go sit in the back for a few minutes with my head between my knees and the feeling didn't completely subside for hours. I was so scared after that incident; I was sure something was really wrong.

A few days later, I got in to see the neurologist in Charlotte and arrived to my appointment on time and was taken in right away (two rarities!). The doctor was great, he was super nice and funny and made me feel at ease, something I really appreciate in a doctor. For about 20 minutes or so he put me through an exam where my blood pressure was taken while in various positions, I walked across the room, and my vision, weakness and reflexes were tested. After the whole thing, I thought he was going to send me for an MRI or another test (which I probably could have recited after stalking the medical center's website), but he didn't. He said he thought he knew what was wrong with me, and although he could send me for an MRI, he didn't think it was necessary, plus it costs about $1,500.00. Thanks for the heads up, Doc. I've never had a doctor tell me the cost of a service before ordering it, which, again, I appreciated.

He said the dizzy spells and accompanying pressure headaches were a combination of hormones from a new birth control I had recently started, migraines and stress. My prescription included a list of ways to reduce the stress in my life (of which he pointed out I had tons of) and to stop the birth control.

I've been trying to follow his directions, but the list included some items that seem near impossible. First up: Spend one hour a day doing something you enjoy just for yourself, aka “Me time.” Yeah, okay. Me time doesn't exist with a 5-month old and a husband in the police academy. I'm just lucky to be living with my in-laws and have cooking and cleaning taken care of. If it were up to me, we probably wouldn't eat. Also on the list were taking a bath (I tried this the other day…it felt awkward and my husband laughed at me), yoga (expensive), massage (also expensive), and exercise (bleh). Items I actually feel I can follow include listening to music, eating well, and deep breathing. Most laughable on the list was to get a good night's sleep. Riley is an excellent sleeper, but I still wake up everytime she cries and more often than not I sneak into her room to put her pacifier back in her mouth (yes, I know I'm an enabler and yes, I know I'm only making my life more difficult in the long run, but 2am Lindsay doesn't remember that!). She also usually wakes up to eat around 5:30/6am before going back to sleep until 8/9am.

Either way, I'm doing my best to keep the stress to a minimum and I'm trying to incorporate as many of the suggestiong on his list as possible. So far, so good. There have been no dizzy spells although I have still had headaches at some point every day. I honestly never realized it wasn't normal to get headaches all the time. I guess it was so common for me, I just assumed most people got headaches throughout the day. Apparently, that is not the case. Or it's not supposed to be at least. The neurologist did suggest a couple of vitamins/supplements to take that have shown to help with migraines, but I'm not sure if I'm able to take them while breastfeeding. From some quick online research, there isn't enough conclusive evidence to point either way which to me means don't take it just in case. I can call my doctor, which I've been meaning to do, but I don't think he will have a better answer. The only other option I can think of is the lactation consultants at the hospital where I delivered. Hopefully this is something they stay on top of, but it's always a tricky subject without enough research to back it up.

At the end of the day, I am so lucky to be in the position I'm in, and I couldn't be happier with where my family is at right now. For the first time in over a year I'm working one job instead of two, I have a wonderful husband who is doing everything he can to secure a job he loves and that will support our family, and have you seen my little girl? Add to that all the support I get from my family, both live-in and long distance, and friends and you can see that I have it pretty good. That's the kind of thing I need to keep in mind when things get overwhelming. It's a surefire way to bring me back to Earth and back to happiness where I belong.

Jeez, I can be corny sometimes.

My littlest love

Take me back to Mexico...promise I won't stress!

Seriously though.



Valentine’s Day for Mama and Daddy!

I love Valentine's Day. I know it's corny and of course I love my husband every day of the year, not just on February 14th, but it's so fun to have a day to celebrate all love. I like getting presents and chocolate and a night out with just my husband. I love getting little gifts from my father-in-law (especially when that gift is chocolate covered oreos from Kilwin's!). Plus, people are just happier on special days like Valentine's, wearing red and covered in hearts.


This was our first Valentine's Day post-baby, and I was mostly just excited to go out alone with my favorite guy. My husband loves to plan surprises and whenever he takes me out, the restaurant is always a secret, which is probably a good thing since I'm a serial googler and would have already had my entire dinner chosen before we even left for the restaurant. Kinda takes a little bit of fun out of the evening. Three years ago, my husband proposed on Valentine's Day (the day after to be exact). He took me to see Wicked, a big deal because I have ALWAYS wanted to see Wicked and Ron hates going into New York City. He also surprised me by taking me to Serendipity III afterwards for dessert another place I've always wanted to go and Ron always said was silly. It is definitely not silly. They have frozen hot chocolate, how I'm not sure. I also had the world's most amazing chocolate cake there and would probably cut somebody to have it again. After we finished our dessert, Ron rushed home and when we got there, our bedroom had been transformed by magic elves (aka his family) with (fake) candles and rose petals and champagne and our dog, Bruce, was wearing a tuxedo. Ron dropped to one knee and proposed to me with our song playing in the background. I cried like a big baby and I don't think the smile left my face for weeks.

It's pretty tough to top that Valentine's, but any night out with Ron is awesome, especially since they're not quite as frequent anymore. Usually when we do get to go out, it's for lunch and we have a third wheel named Riley tagging along, not that I ever mind. Even getting ready to go out was fun this year. When I do my makeup, Riley sits with me in the bathroom in her Bumbo chair, staring at herself and me in the mirror and wrecking havoc to anything in her vicinity on the counter. Our wonderful babysitters, who go by the names of Mimi and Peepop fed Riley girl her cereal while Mama got dressed and (tried fruitlessly) to curl her hair, Finally we took fancy family pictures before Ron and I left, and Riley made Poppy faces in each one of them.

On the way to dinner, it struck me how crazy it is that just 3 years ago, the man sitting next to me in the driver seat asked me to be his wife and in what feels like the blink of an eye, we wee on our way to dinner as a married mom and dad to a 5 month old. Absolutely crazy how quickly time passes.

When we got to the restaurant, we were seated right away at a table next to a window overlooking the lake, which really set the mood nicely. Ron and I splurged on a pitcher (yes a pitcher) of margaritas (pink margaritas!) and each got an appetizer to split – calamari steak and tableside guacamole. All three were incredible. Besides the pretty view, a violinist set the tone of the evening beautifully and Ron pointed out almost every song as one he knew. It actually became pretty funny how he kept knowing (and loving) each song she played. He even tipped her before we left. What DIDN'T set the mood nicely was the Mary Kay lady who came to our table to get me to enter a raffle. Ron thought it was someone from the restuarant as the prize was a gift certificate there, but I saw the label on her jacket and knew otherwise. I just felt it a little bit rude that she bothered us during dinner, but it didn't annoy Ron so maybe I was being a little picky.

Both of our dinners were incredible and we were absolutely stuffed when we left to come home, but we did manage to squeeze in some pineapple cream pie my father-in-law made when we got home. After a day spent with my adorable Riley girl and a romantic dinner out with my husband, I couldn't have been a happier mama. And it is always the best part of my evening to come home to my little princess, even when she is asleep. Sometimes especially when she's asleep!

Valentine's outfit

Too cool in her present from Daddy - a bikini!

Margarita and guacamole

My handsome hubs!

Pollo horneado!

Yummy Mexican dinner!

My crazy little sleeper


Southern Snow Days

I grew up in New Jersey where a few inches of snow is not a cause for alarm and barely enough for a kid to get excited about. Schools operate as usual, maybe a delay, and parents went to work with little to no changes to their schedule. Moving to North Carolina I assumed we wouldn't see much snow and if we did, it wouldn't be enough to even notice. Apparently I was wrong.

In the south, even flurries seem to be a cause for alarm, and an inch or two? School is closed for at least a day. I'm not sure how many inches we've accumulated during this storm, but it's definitely more than one or two and school has been closed for 2.5 days and it will be again tomorrow. A day of snow preceded by a night of ice followed by another day of heavy snow definitely makes the road conditions bad enough for the closures, especially when plows aren't on every street. I can't say I mind being snowed in the past 2 days with my hubs and baby girl, a rarity these days.


Being in the police academy is hard work, harder still because of the long hours it requires. I probably get to spend about 10 minutes a day of down time with Ron before he is back to studying and asleep so he can wake up at 5am. Even his weekends are spent studying and preparing for the week and tests ahead, going so far as to take his notecards out to lunch! His dedication to the academy and his determination to do well is inspiring.

Being off the past 2 days and knowing he won't have to go back to school until Monday means he can relax a little bit. And when I say little bit, I mean a little bit. I think he has spent the better of the past 2 days writing notecards and studying, but at least now he can take an hour or two off to watch tv with me and play with Riley girl. It's so fun to watch him with her and the sweet moments where he puts her to sleep or sings her a song make my heart smile.

I'm so grateful for these couple of snow days, for a few lazy hours with my husband and my best girl, for Riley and her daddy to spend time together, to revisit the days home together pre-academy. I'll always treasure those days when we first moved, when for a month or so Ron was home all day, every day. And even though I had to work, I loved coming home and making dinner with him and just hanging out together. This week has been an awesome reminder of that and a great chance to refuel for the rest of his 10 weeks in the academy.

I'm so proud of him and so happy to be his wife…and that we get to go out for Valentine's Day tomorrow! It's been a long time since we've been out without the baby and I'm so looking forward to having a few drinks with my hubs and spending time just us! And then coming home to Riley girl of course :)



Hot Mess Mama

My little girl turned 5 months old yesterday and I honestly can't believe it. Wasn't it only yesterday that I was complaining of being overly pregnant and trying any and all suggestions to get her to come out? Now she's eating rice cereal in her highchair and sitting up all by herself.

In addition to the massive life change of having and raising a baby, my family has gone through some crazy changes in the past few months. For one, we're southerners now! We moved to North Carolina from New Jersey about 3 months ago. We've been contemplating/thinking about/talking about this move for years now and we finally did it. Of course, we seem to have brought NJ weather with us because it's snowing like crazy here and Ron's school has been cancelled today and tomorrow.


Speaking of Ron's school, he is attending the police academy which is a big commitment. He's in school for 12 hours a day, 5 days a week, and when he's not in school, he's usually studying. I'm so excited for him because this has been is dream for a long time, and I know he's going to be an amazing police officer.

Lastly, I (obviously) left my full-time job and work exclusively at the Bucks now. I really miss my co-workers from Artistic Academy where I was the Admissions Coordinator for 3.5 years as well as my fellow partners from Starbucks Willowbrook, but I'm also really enjoying working one job for the first time in a year and I really like all the partners and the atmosphere at my new store. Going back to work after having Riley was interesting and really difficult, but I have the world's best support system in my family and Riley's Peepop is the best babysitter ever. I miss her everyday when I go to work, but coming in the door and seeing her face light up when she sees me might just be the best feeling in the universe.

Moving has been hard. We left behind some amazing family and friends, but I know the move was the right decision for us as a family. Hopefully Ron will have some great job opportunities when he graduates the academy, and this area seems like a great place to raise a family, especially compared to over-prices and ever-populating area we lived in in New Jersey (not to mention the rising crime rates – no thank you!). We really miss everyone there and it feels weird not to be able to see our family at holidays or have our friends over for dinner. And it's REALLY weird not to be visiting Ron and Anthony, Bianca and Alyson at Sunset every Saturday night. ;-)

I plan on trying to keep up with this blog, if not for writing's sake, then for our family and friends back home. I know, you'll believe it when you see it, right? Me too!


Sleepy Baby


A sleeping baby is the best thing in the world, for obvious reasons. When your baby sleeps, she’s not crying or hungry or demanding you not only hold her but walk around while holding her. When your baby is asleep, you can shower or eat or fold the laundry. You can even enjoy a cup of coffee while your baby sleeps. I thought of all this things prior to having a baby whose naps gave me freedom, but I didn’t anticipate the best parts of a sleeping baby. My favorite thing about my sleeping baby is the way her pouty little lips open in a miniature “O.” I love how she falls asleep while nursing, her warm little body curled around me. Her sleepy funny faces where her eyebrows shoot up but her eyelids remain closed make us laugh very time. I love when she falls asleep laying in my chest with her face nestled in my neck. Her little baby smells and the way you can move her little fingers and feet without her waking up. Maybe the very best part of a sleepy baby is watching her wake up. She stretches repeatedly and smiles so big at us. It reminds me that she is just a little person. Sleepy babies are where it’s at. Overtired babies on the other hand…that’s a different story!


Long time, no see

I’m back. Back to the world of writing. I was gone for a few reasons, the biggest being that I’m pregnant! Hubs and I are expecting our first little baby (besides our furbabies of course) on September 5th and we couldn’t be happier. We found out in early January and during the first trimester everything is supposed to be very hush, hush. Neither Ron or I are very good at keeping happy secrets (about ourselves anyway) and so the news was spilled a little early, but I still felt it wasn’t something to be shared with the internet just yet. Although various posts and pictures (mostly about Special Baby Dinner…more on that in a minute) have hit Facebook, I almost felt like writing about it on the blog was asking for trouble or unnecessary scrutiny. Yet here I am, unable to continue my absence because I keep thinking of things I need to talk write about. Usually these thoughts come to me while walking to my car after a shift at the Bucks or while getting ready for work in the morning, and they’ve been happening so often lately it’s obvious I need to put pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard as it were.

Besides the fact that I didn’t feel ready to talk baby on the blog, I’ve also been been a little psycho at work (3 weeks during March found me working full time at BOTH jobs…let’s not even go there) and adjusting to my schedule while pregnant has taken a little longer than I would have thought. I’m looking forward to the summer when I can wind down on hours at the Bucks and get ready for maternity leave. Until then, I think I’ve at least found a good balance and thanks to scheduling meals and lots of help from the Hubs, I seem to have some of my sanity back (which I think he’s thankful for). One of my favorite things he’s taken on is Special Baby Dinner, or SBD for short. Once a week he makes dinner focused around one ingredient, usually a fruit or vegetable of some kind, which he finds from,’s sister site for pregos. During each week of your pregnancy, the Bump tells you what size the baby is and gives you a food as a point of reference. Last week the baby was the size of a mango! So Ron takes whatever food the Bump dictates and makes both dinner and dessert from it (let me tell you, the onion dessert was interesting…). It’s really fun and usually we have friends or family come over because there’s always a ton of food. It also gets us to try new recipes we never would have sought out, like a Mango pulled pork recipe from last week or the dessert onion rings I alluded to earlier. It’s also really fun to see the Hubs so excited about the baby’s progress. It reminds me after a long week what it all means for our future and it amps me up, too (even when I’m ready to pass out standing up).

In closing I’ll leave you with the ONLY bump picture I’ve taken. In my defense, the bump is still recent and I have plans for REAL weekly bump progress pictures only I’ve been too lazy busy to get them going. This Thursday marks 20 weeks and I promise weekly bump pics from here on out.


Not the best picture being that I’m wearing all black and in a hotel hallway with crap lighting and my hair has the worst split ends anyone has ever seen (they’re gone, by the way…along with half my hair), but there’s definitely a bump!

Wakey Wakey

Some¬† days¬† Ok MOST days, I don’t leave enough time to get ready in the morning. I get up, use the bathroom and shower (or just wash my face if I showered the night before). I brush my teeth. I HAVE to clean my ears each time I shower or else I feel icky all day. I put eye lotion and face lotion on. I brush my hair and put chapstick on (also a must). Then I usually undergo the daily ritual of getting dressed. Why is getted dressed SUCH an ordeal? You would think after probably 18-19 years of dressing myself, it would be something that had become easy. But no. It never is. I think it’s that I need more clothes (haha). Or possibly because all my clothes are in laundry baskets/stacks on my dresser and I’m too lazy to wear heels?

Anyway, back to the point. After the clothing time suck, I HAVE to eat or at least gather food for the day and that usually only leaves time for hair OR makeup, but not both. Since I would rather not drive to work with a wet head and makeup is much more travel-friendly, I tend to bring my makeup to work and throw it on at my desk. Gone are the days when I spent 30 minutes perfecting my eye makeup before heading to the student center (usually because I took too long and missed my class). My makeup routine is so simple lately, it’s barely even there (but you better hope it is because the alternative is not cute).


Still, even dumbed down, I don’t feel like myself without my face on. Foundation is first and, I swear, it makes me feel like a different person. I feel awake and refreshed, ready to actually see people. I could stop there (and sometimes I do shhh) but that also makes people ask if I’m feeling okay thanks to the absence of bronzer. So usually my bare bones minimum also includes a little matte bronzer and my favorite blush, MAC’s Melba. Fancy days also include eyeliner (either pencil or gel or both) and mascara.

It doesn’t matter what I’m wearing, how I’m feeling or whether I’ve had coffee yet, I always feel better post makeup application. I know some people feel awake after breakfast or ONLY after their first or second cup of coffee, but for me it’s foundation. What gets you up in the morning? If you say a morning jog, I’ll go cry myself (back to) sleep. Can you tell my New Year’s resolutions are taking a hit? PS – makeup does not stop me from yawning. Although that could be thanks to my 6am dog walk this morning.

Below I’ve decided to allow these photos to surface for your amusement…which I’ll probably regret. Enjoy!

Teal eyeshadow to match my teal dress obviously! Also, you may notice we're sitting on a toilet. Completely normal.

Teal eyeshadow to match my teal dress obviously! Also, you may notice we’re sitting on a toilet. Completely normal.

New Year's Eve circa 2009

New Year’s Eve circa 2009

Yes. Hello eyeliner.

Yes. I was blonde. Not so well.

Gold eyeshadow up to my brows? Nailed it.

Gold eyeshadow up to my brows? Nailed it.


The worst duckface/kissface ever. I had issues.

The worst duckface/kissface ever. I had issues.

DISCLAIMER: These photos were taken during college and while at least partially intoxicated. I believe these facts combined mean I can not be held liable. Thank you!

Tooting my horn and other things…

So remember that time about a week and a half ago (bad blogger award) when I was all like, Yay go me! I worked out every day and went to the gym super early this morning and rah rah! And then I started feeling sick and got busy at work and fast forward to today when I haven’t worked out since and all I can think about is a nap? And I have not one but two laundry baskets full of clothes and crap to put away but are instead sitting next to my bed just begging my pup Clark to go ahead and chew all my underwear? Not to mention the lack of existence on this here blog or the stacks of clothes also to be put away which are currently residing on top of my dresses. Yeah, so maybe I spoke too soon there. My day job is going through the re-accreditation process and are expecting a visit from our agency next week so everything is kind of intense at work lately. I managed to get the weekend off this past weekend but filled it with sleep and time with the in-laws instead of blogging and cleaning, although I did clean the kitchen and frig. 1 small victory for Lindsay-kind. But instead of updating you with all the mundane crapola from everyday around here, I thought I’d tell you a funny story I alluded to recently.

This past Halloween, I decided I didn’t want to dress (too) skimpily and would rather have some amazing makeup than focus on short skirts and low shirts. I did still have a short skirt (come on, it IS Halloween), but I also had some super scary makeup from a super scary makeup tutorial that I found on Pinterest. I was a LIVING DOLL. See inspiration pic below…

But without the scars. Found on Pinterest.

But without the scars. Found on Pinterest.

Yeah, creepy, right? I figured at a dark club with drunk people it would be even better. So after watching the video numerous times, I realized I needed to cover my eyebrows. And while I tried covering them with glue and then foundation/concealor (thanks Google) didn’t exactly work, I knew I could turn to the tried and true liquid latex method. Oh you don’t know what this is? It’s this liquidy crap with the consistency of glue that you can make fake scars and such with. And the video had said I could use it for my eyebrows. Imagine my surprise when after coming home to a super huge bottle my husband bought, I saw that it said “DO NOT USE ON HAIR!” Which is what eyebrows are made of. Another trip to Google and I was slicking my eyebrows with olive oil and praying that the people who said this would easily take the latex off were right. An hour later, I had drawn on eyebrows an inch higher, crazy lips and fake lashes, and looked like a creepy ass doll. My friend Bianca is actually scared of dolls, which I kind of forget at first, and she couldn’t even look at me so mission accomplished.

Me and Bianca aka Mario

Me and Bianca aka Mario

For the past 2 years, my friends and I have gone to this bar in Hoboken called West 5. It’s awesome because it has a dancing section of the club but also a more subdued front portion of the club where you can get drinks and kind of talk. We get to the club with no problems and the night gets going. I think I was vaguely annoyed, either I wasn’t drunk enough or I was too drunk, because that’s when my mood turns sour. I decided to go dance by myself because no one was listening to me demand dance time and found another friend of mine, Glam Fairy Jessica Romano, aka Jess Hottie, and talked to her for a bit. Things are definitely a little fuzzy in the middle because I kept losing and finding friends and eventually ended up taking shots of Fire whiskey with my friend Leo. Now, how you ever had Fire whiskey? I don’t know why I capitalize Fire and not whiskey, but I guess it’s out of respect for my now feared beverage. First of all, I didn’t realize it was whiskey. It tasted like red hots and I guess I just thought it was vodka, which I had been drinking. Four shots later and I was done. My friends say you can see the moment when I cross from tipsy to drunk and I’m sure that night was no exception. I know we left the bar and I ended up drunk crying in the parking garage by the car (usual) and the rest is just being relayed to you as it was told to me.

Prior to drunk crying

Prior to drunk crying

My husband, trying to be chivalrous, let me sit in the front of the cab home thinking it would make me feel the least sick. He sat in the back with our friend Frank and I don’t even know who else. Apparently someone (me?) opened the window and threw up out the window sometime on our drive home. Normally, getting it out the window would be cause for celebration, but I was unaware the rear window was also open and apparently what I was expelling was hitting my poor friend Frank full on in the face. I really have no words to say about it besides SORRY FRANK!!!! Seriously, who does these things? You’ll be happy to hear I haven’t had a crazy drinking night since then (I think??) and don’t plan to in the future. I’m kind of over drunk crying and shot taking and DEFINITELY over the miserable day I spent at Starbucks following our night out. Have you ever done something this ridiculous and gross while drunk? Grosser? (Really just trying to make myself feel better here.)

This is Frank. I didn't throw up on him this day.

This is Frank. I didn’t throw up on him this day.

Me and the Sons of Anarchy aka my husband and friends